quit job Archives – Leap of Faye

Resigning from my corporate job was not a decision I took lightly. In fact, I agonized over it for years. Ran the financials, considered what I would do instead, developed my spreadsheets and To Do lists, and then ran the numbers again. Certain friends told me that I was a victim of analysis paralysis, and that I just needed to take the leap already.

Then fate took a stance and I was suddenly out on a medical leave for a temporary health issue that was simply debilitating (more on that in another post). Yet the health issue coupled with my best laid plans of several years finally gave me the clarity and courage to just do it. And so I resigned.

Yet while the medical leave was the tipping point, there were several other factors that had already prepared me mentally for the move.

I no longer felt challenged

I was doing the same work that I had done for years, but over time it had become increasingly less challenging and stimulating. I found myself missing work that I had done earlier in my career that felt less formulaic. I knew that this, over time, would cause me to become disengaged – which wouldn’t be fair to either myself nor the company.

I craved more flexibility

I had been in a position that had required many hours, being on call, and many late night and wee hour conference calls. In the beginning, it was exciting. I learned a lot and felt that I was on the cutting edge of what was going on. But over time it burned me out. The problem was the work was never-ending; it wasn’t like a project that has a distinct beginning and end – in that scenario, you may grind extremely hard for several months or even a few years, but at some point the project ENDS. In this role, there was and would be no end. Eventually, I had the opportunity to move into a new role that didn’t require on-call responsibilities, but by that point I was looking for more flexibility than what was possible. I wanted to focus more on accomplishments vs. face time.

I desired more autonomy

The business culture I worked in was very hierarchical, and I increasingly felt that we were doing a lot of things simply because somebody at the top “said so.” If colleagues explained why the directive may not be the best route, or provided alternative ideas, superiors would agree yet shrug and reiterate that it be done anyway without question based on who had assigned the task. There seemed to be a strong reluctance to voice an opposing viewpoint for fear that an executive may think negatively and it would hurt a career. This didn’t align well with my personal style.

I yearned to try something on my own

It had always been a goal of mine, but I had enjoyed career success and so that objective was always put on the back burner. But it never went away, and the older I got the more I felt that I wanted to at least give it a shot. I knew that Corporate America would always be there and I was confident I could return if desired; however I didn’t want to give up an opportunity to at least try to “go it alone.”

I wanted more control over my own life

After seeing layoff after layoff throughout my career, I learned that it can really happen to anyone. Although I was fortunately spared, it didn’t mean that I would forever be immune, and I didn’t like the idea of my entire financial future being in someone else’s hands. I felt that if I was going to put in that much blood, sweat, and tears into my work, then my ultimate success or failure should be contingent on me alone.

I was tired of the politics

You know what I’m talking about – the office grapevine, the rumors, who is advocating for who, who doesn’t like who, who is a direct of who – it is exhausting. Over time, I learned how to play the game well, but I never fully embraced it. I would cringe every time someone asked “Who do you work for?” or “What is your officer title?” I had the accepted accolades, but felt that it shouldn’t matter. Why should it matter who I worked for? And whether or not I was a VP? Should that have any bearing on the conversation at hand and how I was responded to? The short answer was it shouldn’t, but it did. And it all felt very inauthentic.

The numbers checked out

Earlier in my career, I couldn’t have resigned even if I had wanted to. I was just starting out financially, and had too many bills to pay and investments to make. But over time and with care, my husband and I were able to earn and save enough so that a cut in salary wouldn’t ruin us. Before I finally quit, I must have run all the numbers and talked to financial and CPA advisers 100 times “just to make sure” we could do it. And the bottom line was that we could. Of course, we would have to make some changes and become much more conscious about our spending habits, but it could be done. And it finally hit me that it would NEVER be enough money – whether or not I continued to work a full-time job. Meaning – we would always want more, want to earn more, want to save more. So as long as we could make it work with what we had, my husband and I were willing to give it a shot.

My children changed my perspective

Once kids enter the picture, priorities shift. After the 3rd birthday of my first son, it dawned on me that it was all going Way. Too. Fast. The first three years felt like a blur, a random collection of rushed evenings and errand-packed weekends. I wanted more time with he and his brother. And I understood that the time was precious – and that no amount of money in the world could ever buy that back. It pained me to think that I was paying a nanny for the privilege of time with my children. It all seemed so backwards. Yet I wanted to work. It was and still is extremely important for me that my children see me working and contributing. But I knew in my heart there was a better way. A mother working a job that she has outgrown is not the same type of role model as a mother who is working on things she is passionate about.

Fate stepped in

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Fate was the definitive tipping point. A perfect storm of events creating the final nudge I needed to make the leap.

Job Weariness + Long Time Desire to Go Independent + Serious Illness + Medical Leave of Absence + Nanny Unexpectedly Resigning + Unexpected Pregnancy = The Right Time

And so I did. It has now been six months since I’ve resigned (and over eight months since I last worked at my former job – due to my medical leave of absence), and I have not a single regret. I haven’t even experienced a twinge of the panic and anxiety I was so scared of. In fact, I wish I hadn’t debated what my heart was telling me for so long.

I’ve learned that there is a ton of freelance work available for motivated people willing to work hard. I’ve realized that the finances adjust. And I’ve developed an even stronger connection with my sons. They, in turn, now see a mother who works just as hard as before, but who is passionate and energized by her work. And personally, I’ve grown stronger and more resilient, less afraid to take a risk.

I don’t know where I will end up, or if I will return to Corporate America at some point, but for right now the decision to resign from my former position has been the best one I have made in a very long time.

If I’m being honest, I knew several years ago that I was ready for a professional change. Even before kids. Before promotions. And before I really believed that I would ever actually take the leap.

I just knew that something was missing.

On paper, I had everything I had worked so hard for – the career, the compensation, the influence, the perks, and even the telecommuting arrangement. But it still wasn’t enough. When would it ever be enough? When would I finally feel fulfilled?

I like to think that fate finally stepped in, frustrated with my reluctance to make the decision that I needed to. Funny how a a few months checked out of life, in bed, will provide clarity and direction. But that’s another post.

So three weeks ago, I finally took the leap. Gave my resignation. With no concrete backup plan. No other job offer. No next step. Just a vague idea that I wanted to learn more, grow more, and write more. And now – only three weeks in – I’ve already learned lessons that I never would have anticipated.

My job didn’t define me

I always had a sneaking suspicion that this was the case. It seemed ludicrous, that a paid profession could define a person’s whole being. I had traveled extensively, and knew that this wasn’t the case in other parts of the world. That not every person in every country asks “So what do you do?” as a first or second getting-to-know-you question. But – here it is different. I was praised for my job. I received accolades and respect for my job. When I explained what I did for a living, I was given almost immediate credibility. But now that job is gone. And I am still me. A more authentic version of me. Forging down the path that feels right. And I think that makes for a better definition than a VP title.

I am not starving

Fear has always been one of the major reasons I have procrastinated this decision. Fear of never working again. Fear of regretting my decision. But most of all, fear of becoming broke and homeless. I ran the financial figures over and over again. It seemed like we could do it. But I wasn’t sure. What if I resigned and then-there-was-an-emergency-and-we-used-up-all-our-savings-and-then-had-no-more-money-and-then-had-to-file-bankruptcy-and-eventually-ended-up-homeless. It could happen. But, now, I realize we would figure it out. The fear is no longer all-encompassing. I am still eating. My children are still eating. We are still doing fun things. And the lifestyle changes so far have simply meant making more conscious money decisions. Understanding the difference between wants and needs.

There is life outside of Corporate America

Really, there is. I had wondered what I would do with all my time. Now, in three short weeks, I am wondering how to more effectively focus my efforts as I am beginning to spread myself too thin. There is an abundance of freelance, project, and contract work available. More than I ever realized existed. And people make a living combining many income sources – which means that I can too! Imagine that. People working effectively without bosses, without company-imposed deadlines, and without performance reviews. Simply out of self-motivation and love for the craft. It is truly liberating.

Not everyone is supportive

I suppose I didn’t expect everyone to be. But the range of reactions I’ve received is astounding. I’ve had people congratulate me, motivate me, and even provide me leads. I’ve had others sit me down to talk with me and ensure I have considered all the risks and potential outcomes (which I truly appreciate). And I’ve had others make fun of me, make comments about me becoming a kept woman, and remark on me becoming lazy and having “nothing to do” all day. I’ve even had people, former colleagues, subtly dissociate themselves from me, as if I’ve become a pariah for leaving The Firm. And while I understand that the decision I’ve made is not common nor popular, I’ve been surprised at how vocal people have been with their opinions. It has opened my eyes and helped me realize who I should be surrounding myself with to help keep me inspired, positive, and growing.

I have no regrets

I fully expected to experience a freak-out or panic attack at some point after resigning. It was bound to happen after I simply walked away from my 20+ year career. In fact, I planned on it, jotting words and phrases of positive inspiration into my journal for when the jitters hit. But – so far – nothing. No anxiety, no panic, and no angst. In fact, all I’ve felt so far is calm. Calm and peace with my decision. Confidence that I am doing the right thing at this phase of my life. Pride that I was finally strong enough to follow my heart. And excitement about all the doors opening and the options available to me. If there is any regret, it is that I didn’t have the courage to take the leap sooner.

If these are the life learnings after only three weeks, I look forward to the additional insight I have yet to experience over the long haul. It’s not all roses, and it’s not easy. But I finally feel capable of handling whatever comes my way. And embracing the ride.

How I Knew it Was Time to Quit My Job